Thursday, April 12, 2012

Messy, Messy Me

Without going into all the messy details about feeling like I've reached a "crisis point" in my life, let's leave it to say that I've really been examining parts of my life - what I do well and what needs improvement on a daily basis. At the risk of sounding extreme, I feel that one of the only things I'm really doing well is schooling with the kids. Life was thrown into upheaval last summer with our move and I haven't established good habits in our new house - chore schedule, menu planning, and let's not even talk about rooms and boxes that are still boxed up and packed.

Overwhelmed, much? everyday recently.

And the guilt...I'll take a serving every hour, thank you very much!

Yesterday, I came so close to blogging all my failures...a list I wrote out while waiting for the boys during their piano lessons - everything from the stuff above to relationship issues especially related to my immediate family. But, I also spent a lot of time crying and talking to the Lord. I had no direction in Scripture though I kept opening my Bible to find something to speak to me.

Kinda came up empty.

Except that after blubbering and soul searching all morning and early afternoon, I just decided that enough was enough and I needed to do something. So, like any amazing person who realizes they have been extremely lazy (my core issue, I believe...), I decided not to do a single thing on my to do list.

Instead I went to my sewing room. Oh, that place overwhelms me, too...knowing all the projects that I want to make but don't really have the time to make just yet. Or maybe ever while I still have small children.

I started a new sewing project. I know, how irrational is that, right?! I've got piles of laundry - a lot washed but not put away with even more unwashed, no dinner plans, kids who need to do some school work and get ready for karate, three toilets that need some serious attention, and dust bunnies hopping all over the place. And I'm sewing...
But you see, the thing was, Mike had asked me to make these dolls for two little girls who live in the inner city at a home where he is volunteering manual labor this week along with many youth from all over Rochester.

Honestly, I was a little annoyed that he asked me on Tuesday evening. Doesn't he see the mess that we call our home? Doesn't he see the mess that is me? That life isn't getting done well. That I'm tired and even more so as we anticipate the arrival of our fifth little one.

But he had asked me to do it. And he doesn't ask much of me. In fact, I think most days go by and he doesn't see the messes and the chaos that I see. He sees happy children who are learning and growing everyday, fairly decent meals except on cereal night, and a wife that appears to be trying her best.

I knew that it was important to him because he saw these little girls who don't have all the opportunities our children have, whose families don't have the resources to maintain their houses or learn karate or go on beach vacations or maybe even have a stable home environment.

It was important to him and that made it important to me. My priority suddenly was to please my husband.

As I began looking through my doll making supplies, I realized that almost every piece I needed was cut and ready to assemble even down to the sweet dresses. I've never sewn two dolls this quickly before. I'm praying that the little girls who receive them will be blessed with this small gift. I plan to deliver them with our kids later today...

So, what's the point? Well, I think, for once, I got it right. I didn't waste hours in my day puttering around, on the computer, or being lazy. I spent my time hoping to bless other people especially my husband by doing this one small thing that he requested.

I didn't sort that box of papers and writing utensils and I didn't get those wine glasses in the cabinet, but maybe I can do that today...


Jen said...

Your post pulled the words right out of my heart!! This could of been a post on my blog. I've been struggling with all these things you have mentioned. Right down to the moving.

Christy said...

Awesome! Thanks for the reminders... I think we all struggle with similar issues and feel like we're alone in it sometimes, but in reality that's not true! Always enjoy your blogs!


johanna said...

Kiley, beautifully written. And the dolls are darling! I am sure you are not a mess, though I totally know the feeling.:) We moved (from IL to KY) when my 3rd was just two weeks old. Talk about upheaval! Hang in there, fellow mom!

Olivia said...

You've been busy while I was in NYC...very good busy! Get er done!