{More Like Him} Tearing Myself Down

Sometimes...no, most of the time...I like to make things look all honky dory.  And, that's honest for the most part.  Life really is good.  Really.  Praise Jesus!!!

 

But there is a part of me that really struggles.  Inside.  Sometimes it has to do with my role as a wife or as a parent or as a homeschool mama.  Sometimes, more often than not, it has to do with how I look - what I perceive as physical flaws - and I verbally beat myself up.  I am so hard on myself.  Too critical.

 

 

I've been in a funk recently.  Like maybe the worst one ever.  I'm struggling to rise above the things I'm saying to myself...  Lies, I know...

 

"You're not attractive...like not at all."

 

"Goodness gracious, look at those dimply thighs..."

 

"What the heck?  Acne???  You're 36!!!  Get it under control!"

 

"You look terrible in that shirt.  You belly is stretchy and squishy and poochy.  You still look pregnant!"

 

"Where are your training bras, you saggy, shrinking flat board?...sob, sob, sob."

 

"Don't smile...too many wrinkles and fine lines. Oh, and yellowing, crooked teeth.  Yuck."

 

"You're old and you look old.  And you look really bad.  And old.  In case you hadn't noticed."

 

And so it goes...and much worse, too...

 

Most of the time I stuff these feelings down and don't talk with anyone about them.  However, a few weeks ago, it all came to a boiling point and I shared all these thoughts and many others with my husband.  And you know what he said to all the things I hate about myself... "Kiley, I would have never described you {physically} by any of the characteristics you mentioned...  You are beautiful."  And he said a lot more, too, but that's only for my ears and heart...

 

Later, we read a devotional that said the following..."Our Creator has "honored" us by the precious gift of His Son.  His gift has declared our worth and value.  Who am I that I should devalue what God has honored by the gift of His Son?  To demean, neglect, or ridicule {myself} is to trample on the blood of Christ.  Might this truth encourage my lips to speak only those things that edify... Remembering the great value that God has placed on {me} makes it more difficult to say hurtful words."

 

"For you know that is was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed...but with the precious blood of Christ..."  I Peter 1:18-19

 

Do you think it was a coincidence to read this devotional that night or was it, perhaps, God-ordained?  Yup, it was God.  No question.  God speaking directly to my heart.

 

And so, I struggle with abusive thoughts toward myself.  And I struggle to see that my value that rises above physical characteristics.

 

But I have a Savior and a Godly husband who speak the truth I cannot speak to myself. 

 

I will listen.  I will learn.  I will repeat.  I will believe. 

 

And I will give myself grace in the meantime...



{Project 365} Day 23: Unglued

Every Wednesday from 1:00pm - 2:00pm, I sit in our van during piano lessons.  I read (yes, one can concentrate even with four loud children in such a small place), pass out snacks to keep my children quiet in said small place, write and make lists, call my mom or text friends for a quick "hello", and occasionally work on schoolwork if I'm feeling especially behind that day.

 

 

{Project365}: capturing this life - one photo (or so) every day for one year

 

I started reading Unglued before Christmas but had to put it down.  I knew it was going to hurt like Aslan's claws tearing into my flesh.  This book dives deep into an issue I've battled hard for about six years - one that I feel creeping up on me everyday recently as I allow pressures to mount while desperately trying to stuff them down. 

 

You see, I didn't know I was a "screamer" until our third son was born.  Frustration, inadequacies, tiredness, trying to control yet feeling completely out of control, things not going perfectly, stress, and a million other emotions welling up inside me to the boiling point.  And then I'd explode all over. 

 

Yuck. 

 

It was a mess. 

 

I was a mess. 

 

Than along came my Titus 2 mentor - not knowing the depth of my struggle - and she began speaking words straight to my heart.  Words of love, mercy, grace, and the need for repentance and reliance on the Lord. 

 

And my heart began to change.  The Lord was making me new. 

 

The Lord is making me new. 

 

Praise God.

 

I need reminders of this sort all the time.  Unglued will be my reminder for this present season.  I'm dying to read it and scared at seeing my sinful ugliness afresh.

 

"Progress.  Just make progress.  It's okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs.  It's okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again - and again.  Just make sure you're moving the line forward.  Move forward.  Take baby steps, but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck.  Then change will come.  And it will be good."  (Unglued, pg. 14-15)

Messy, Messy Me

Without going into all the messy details about feeling like I've reached a "crisis point" in my life, let's leave it to say that I've really been examining parts of my life - what I do well and what needs improvement on a daily basis. At the risk of sounding extreme, I feel that one of the only things I'm really doing well is schooling with the kids. Life was thrown into upheaval last summer with our move and I haven't established good habits in our new house - chore schedule, menu planning, and let's not even talk about rooms and boxes that are still boxed up and packed.

Overwhelmed, much? Yeah...like everyday recently.

And the guilt...I'll take a serving every hour, thank you very much!

Yesterday, I came so close to blogging all my failures...a list I wrote out while waiting for the boys during their piano lessons - everything from the stuff above to relationship issues especially related to my immediate family. But, I also spent a lot of time crying and talking to the Lord. I had no direction in Scripture though I kept opening my Bible to find something to speak to me.

Kinda came up empty.

Except that after blubbering and soul searching all morning and early afternoon, I just decided that enough was enough and I needed to do something. So, like any amazing person who realizes they have been extremely lazy (my core issue, I believe...), I decided not to do a single thing on my to do list.

Instead I went to my sewing room. Oh, that place overwhelms me, too...knowing all the projects that I want to make but don't really have the time to make just yet. Or maybe ever while I still have small children.

I started a new sewing project. I know, how irrational is that, right?! I've got piles of laundry - a lot washed but not put away with even more unwashed, no dinner plans, kids who need to do some school work and get ready for karate, three toilets that need some serious attention, and dust bunnies hopping all over the place. And I'm sewing...

But you see, the thing was, Mike had asked me to make these dolls for two little girls who live in the inner city at a home where he is volunteering manual labor this week along with many youth from all over Rochester.

Honestly, I was a little annoyed that he asked me on Tuesday evening. Doesn't he see the mess that we call our home? Doesn't he see the mess that is me? That life isn't getting done well. That I'm tired and even more so as we anticipate the arrival of our fifth little one.

But he had asked me to do it. And he doesn't ask much of me. In fact, I think most days go by and he doesn't see the messes and the chaos that I see. He sees happy children who are learning and growing everyday, fairly decent meals except on cereal night, and a wife that appears to be trying her best.

I knew that it was important to him because he saw these little girls who don't have all the opportunities our children have, whose families don't have the resources to maintain their houses or learn karate or go on beach vacations or maybe even have a stable home environment.

It was important to him and that made it important to me. My priority suddenly was to please my husband.

As I began looking through my doll making supplies, I realized that almost every piece I needed was cut and ready to assemble even down to the sweet dresses. I've never sewn two dolls this quickly before. I'm praying that the little girls who receive them will be blessed with this small gift. I plan to deliver them with our kids later today...

So, what's the point? Well, I think, for once, I got it right. I didn't waste hours in my day puttering around, on the computer, or being lazy. I spent my time hoping to bless other people especially my husband by doing this one small thing that he requested.

I didn't sort that box of papers and writing utensils and I didn't get those wine glasses in the cabinet, but maybe I can do that today...

Kindred Spirits and Transformed Lives

Doing this battle of life as a follower of Jesus, a wife, a mom, and a homeschooling teacher along with several kindred spirits with whom I am blessed enough to claim friendship. I am at a different place than each of them though in most cases not that far removed - one has grown children, two don't homeschool, one has fewer children, one has more, one has the same. The common bond that seals our friendship is our heart's desire to surrender our lives to the living Christ, the one whose strength is made perfect in our weakness. Not one of those ladies would claim to have it all together and yet I see them as some of the strongest Christian ladies I know.


They are real. They inspire me. They challenge and lovingly correct me. They pray with and for me.


I trust them with my heart, my deepest feelings and ugliness. I find no judgement, no rejection. I find love. I find encouragement. I am safe. True Christ-likeness.


I had a conversation with one of those friends today and was reminded of an analogy from C.S. Lewis' The Voyage of the Dawn Treader that really struck me as it pertains to my own heart issues of sin, of becoming more Christ-like. I can do what God asks of me - to fellowship with Him, to pray, to read Scripture, but the real heart change comes when I allow Christ to scrape and scratch out the ugliness in my heart, my sin. It hurts so much but after it's all done...transformation!!!


In the book, Eustace, a rather ornery, complaining, very unlikeable sort, has been magically turned into a dragon wearing a constricting golden arm cuff. He has no way of turning back into a boy except for the help of Aslan, the lion. Aslan tells him that he must undress, so Eustace figures out that like a snake sheds its skin, maybe he can shed his scales. So he starts scraping and scratching. Much to his delight, he sheds one layer but as he looks down, there is another layer. He does this three times and each time there is another layer to peel off.

So Aslan says, " '...you will have to let me undress you.'

I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I though it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt...

...then he caught hold of me - I didn't like it very much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again."

WOW! Compare this fictional story to a real, transformed life in Christ!!! Double WOW!!!


I'm thankful in this new year for the complete Chronicles of Narnia book series to feed my addiction (he, he!) but mostly for kindred spirits and an expectancy to see real change and transformation in my own life and my friend's lives. It might be difficult, but we're in it together with Christ!!!

I Will Choose A Good Attitude

The new strategy for my sweet, yet often sighing, grumpy face-making boy when mama says something he doesn't like...which is seeming like all. the. time.

Might have to employ this strategy on myself at times, too!

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." Proverbs 15:13

Preschool Week Four - Being Intentional

Being intentional. That's my goal for preschool with Isaac. It's so easy to let him run off and play contentedly by himself while I am working with the big(ger) boys. Last school year, I really took a hands off approach with Isaac and honestly, I had my hands full with a newborn and learning how to teach two other children at home. Maybe that was right, maybe that was wrong. Over the years, though, I've realized that play is more important than drilling ABCs and such when a child is three years old (unless they show a natural interest).


This year, though, I knew that I needed to be more intentional. This decision, in part, was due to the fact that Isaac needed to learn how to sit quietly doing something that someone else wanted him to do. He joins in with the older boys as much as he desires and often times I photo copy their worksheets for him to "do school." I started transcribing stories that he dictates to me...all about cowboys, superheros, war, and the good guys winning. So far, though, his favorite activity is reading time. Elijah, Luke, and I take turns reading to him. I love that he still wants to snuggle in close when I'm reading to him.

a few of this week's books

The other major reason I need to be intentional with Isaac is to help him with his speech. He, very much like Luke as a three and four year old, struggles with some sounds. When we isolate each sound, there are only a couple that he cannot say correctly and I believe that is age appropriate. But when certain sounds are in a word, he either drops them completely or substitutes them with another letter. A big accomplishment for him this month is saying, "Izzzzzick" instead of "Igick." I go back and forth about feeling guilty that I didn't help him more last year with his speech, but instead of worrying that I dropped the ball, I'm choosing to be intentional and stay positive. Plus I have the blessing of a sister-in-law who is a speech therapist and I can bounce all my questions off her!!!

I really appreciate the activities and ideas in the books above. Teach Me How to Say it Right:Helping Your Child with Articulation Problems by Dorothy P. Doughtery is highly readable and practical for the average parent with no background in speech therapy. The author lays out timelines for when certain speech sounds should be achieved, exercises to help learn troublesome sounds, potential causes of speech problems, and advice for when to seek professional help. This book would be useful to parents even if their children did not struggle with developmental speech delays.

The Three R's by Ruth Beechick is a new book I picked up this summer. I've only read one third of the book called "A Home Start in Reading." The other two sections are called "A Strong Start in Language" and "An Easy Start in Arithmatic." Beechick guides parents through five steps to helping your child learn how to read. I am finding new ideas and activities to use with Isaac from the Prereading and Beginning steps. This is definitely a book that will stay on my shelves until all our children are grown.

I am thankful that this particular week has gone well after a rough first three weeks. We're more familiar with our new curriculum and learning how to get each assignment done quickly and carefully. The boys have worked hard to get all their independent work done without too many reminders from me. I've chosen to stay home because it was the best decision for the day even though the other activities could have been good options as well. Chores and meals have been done with excellence. All the children's summer clothing was swapped out for fall/winter clothing and stored properly. And I've even used my time wisely in the evenings for creative interests. I'm thankful that the Lord is blessing my efforts to keep my priorities in line with what brings Him glory and honor, developing diligence in my work ethic and helping me to find joy in the mundane and unavoidable.

A Wing and A Prayer

The wing...bedhead.

The prayer...normal one year old stuff. Safety as she's learning to climb the stairs. She was several stairs up this morning before I noticed, yelling "Iiiiii! Dada! Iiiiiiiii! Iii! Dada!" to daddy in the shower. Time to rig up the gate for the fourth time.

The prayer...for Sadie's softness of heart as we beginning training her according to God's Word. Right now it's a lot of saying "no touch, no hit, no throwing food, no stairs, etc" but time will go quickly and discipline will shift to obedience issues and her response to us and the Lord.

The prayer...for Mike and I as we learn how to raise a little girl.

The prayer...for me for patience and gentleness in speech, abounding with love and forgiveness, willingness to abandon my agenda for the children's needs, and a spirit of joy and spontaneity.

Be Magnified

On my heart recently...

The Bible and Deodorant

I've just realized there are two things I need during my days at home with my lovie-dovies...

1. My Bible

2. Mike's deodorant

I know you were expecting me to say Pepsi and that does help, but I'm trying to break the habit. Anyhow, it all started a mere four days ago when I ran out of deodorant. What's a girl to do when she has four sick kiddos and no desire to take them out so she can smell decent? Naturally, I used my husband's deodorant. What I didn't realize on Monday with the first swipe of Degree men's manly scent has now become oh so clear.

If, during the midst of my day, everything is going awry, I first need to seek God's Word for strength, encouragement, hope and peace. And PRAY! God is the ultimate life-saver. He will never leave me nor forsake me!

"I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before I tell Him my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have set a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living. Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise Your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me." Psalm 142

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him us for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?...Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine of nakedness or danger or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:31-44

Secondly, I get a good 'ole whiff of my armpit. No, I'm not going crazy from too many days without adult contact or sunshine or sickness. The scent reminds me of Mike which reminds me that I am not the only parent in our family and we are in this together! He might physically be at work (he's hard to get ahold of sometimes...), but now, because of his deodorant in my armpits, he is with me in spirit. And he'll be home soon. Soon, please?! Plus it makes me realize how much I love him and miss him during the day!!!

So, if you think I smell manly, well, I just might. And if you see me twitching and alternately flipping through my Bible and whiffing my armpits please know that I'm not out my mind...I am reminding myself of the two things that keep me grounded and sane in my wonderfully, busy life.

I'm Leavin' On A Jet Plane

"I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again..."

My day didn't start out too badly. In fact, Sadie and I had some quiet time together, snuggling, reading Scripture, and listening to a few worship favorites on youtube. But somewhere between trying to get Isaac to eat his lunch and Sadie not taking a good morning nap, it became "one of those days" that I feel sorry for myself...you know, when all four children are sick and I've wiped a thousand noses, I'm tired because no one is sleeping well which means I'm not sleeping well, I had to drink boring creamer in my coffee because I haven't gone grocery shopping, I am wearing my husband's deodorant because mine ran out yesterday, I used my children's bubble gum toothpaste for the fourth day in a row, I've held the needy, sick baby all day long - and Monday and Sunday, I developed itchy ring worm on my forearm Monday morning and even though I know it's not actually a worm I don't fully believe it, AND I made pizza again for the 3rd time in a week - my new desperation dinner.

But worst of all, I've done a really bad job parenting today. Sometimes it's so hard to break free from the self-pity and act in a way that is righteous and God-honoring. I've been snippy and short-tempered. I feel justified in doing so. Oh, the gravity of my sin to even believe that I have a "right" to feel this way.

Today hasn't been easy. But I haven't chosen to make it any easier and that lies solely on my shoulders. I have chosen a bad attitude. I have chosen to get frustrated. I have chosen to be selfish and not stop what I'm doing to deal with the kiddos. I have chosen to sin and sin and sin. And in the back of my mind there is this thought that keeps telling me to stop, to come to my Lord and lay my sins at His feet. How long will I ignore the Holy Spirit's warnings?

I suppose I really do need to leave on that jet plane. But this isn't about me needing a "break" from the children because I "deserve" it. It isn't about getting "girl time." It isn't about filling my evening with things of the world that mamas are told we need - a chance to "get out", shopping for new clothes, a massage, a job or group outside of the home that gives my life "meaning" and "satisfaction", ad nauseam, etc., and so on.

I need to leave to make it right with the Lord. I need quiet time to saturate myself in Scripture. Or maybe I just need to saturate myself in Scripture in the midst of all the noise because sometimes I just can't get away on that jet plane. Better yet, I could take everyone with me and read the Scripture out loud, sing worship songs, and pray. As a family. What a difference that would make. For all of us.

I'm leaving on a jet plane. I'll have better attitude when I come back again...

Exhibits A, B, C...The Beginning of a Series...

I am learning what it means to train my children's hearts for God's glory using the Bible. There are so many "popular" behavior modification methods and ideas out there, but so many just treat the symptoms and not the bigger issue...what is in a child's heart. It's taken me a while to wrap my mind around this idea, but I am starting to "get it." I hope to post some of our struggles and triumphs in this area as time goes on. I am passionate about reaching my children's hearts for the Lord and feel an urgency to know God's Word to train them in righteousness. The amazing thing is that as I am training them (and I really do mean, we, as in Mike and I, but I'll likely continue to post from my perspective), I am learning so much about my very own heart sins and struggles. God is doing a mighty work!!!

Here's the scenario: (All names have been altered to protect the privacy of those involved and will furthermore be known as Exhibit A, Exhibit B, and Exhibit C in no particular order...) The three Exhibits are playing with their Playmobil toys in the living room with all weapons, people, and gear divvied out. Exhibit A leaves to help make his toast in the kitchen. Minutes later, Exhibit B comes into the kitchen and whispers in Exhibit A's ear. With a shriek, Exhibit A storms into the living room and arguing, screeching, and all forms of distress ensue. Mama enters, says a quick "Help me, Lord" because I really just want to go on a tirade myself. Oh, that nasty, sinful flesh. But, suddenly, the Holy Spirit tickles a memory and God's Word comes to mind. Praise the Lord because this is so NOT about me, but about the mighty work He is doing in my heart and mind!!! Anyhow, back to the scene of the crime... It is obvious that Exhibit C took one of the aforementioned divvied up goods which Exhibit A thought was extremely unfair and cruel. Exhibit A and C quickly worked out a compromise while I pulled Exhibit B aside. It was fairly obvious what had occurred...

Mama: "Exhibit B, when you came out here and whispered in your brother's ear, were you stirring up trouble or promoting peace?"

Exhibit B: "Stirring up trouble."

Mama: "Can you tell me why you thought it was wise to stir up trouble?"

Exhibit B: "It wasn't wise, but Exhibit C took something that wasn't his and said that Exhibit A wouldn't notice."

Mama: "You know that when you chose to come out here and whisper in your brother's ear, you chose to sin by stirring up trouble. Did you know that God hates those who stir up trouble? Let's look in the Bible to find where that verse is. (Pull out my Bible, Wise Words for Moms flip chart, find the specific behavior and corresponding verses...) Right here: Proverbs 6:16-19, "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Do you see that what you chose to do is not pleasing to God?"

Exhibit B: "Yes." (with tears in his eyes)

Mama: "If you knew that your brother was doing something wrong or unkind, what could you have done to help him make a better choice? To promote peace?"

Exhibit B: "I could have told him to put it back or told him to ask if he can have a turn."

Mama: "That's right and then you wouldn't have sinned and you could have helped your brother not to sin." God's Word says that there is joy for those who promote peace. See, right here...Proverbs 12:20. Let's pray and ask God to forgive you for stirring up trouble and to help you promote peace. Then we'll go talk with other boys.

Exhibit B prays, apologizes and I continue on with the heart training...

Mama: "Exhibit C, can you tell me why to took the toy from Exhibit A? Why you took it while he wasn't looking?"

Exhibit C: "I wanted that dagger because I didn't have one."

Mama: "What kind of heart is that?"

Exhibit C: "A selfish one."

Mama: "That's right, you wanted something and didn't think about how it would make your brother feel if you took it from him. Does it bring God honor when we are selfish and only look out for our own selves?"

Exhibit C: "No."

Mama: (Having just glanced at my Bible and Wise Words for Moms...) "God's word says that we should do nothing out of selfishness, but to think of others as better than yourself. (Philippians 2:3) That means that we treat others with respect and kindness. How could you have shown respect and kindness to Exhibit A?

Exhibit C: "I should have asked him for a turn and not just taken the dagger."

Mama: "No matter what answer Exhibit A gave you if you asked, what kind of attitude should you have?"

Exhibit C: "A happy heart" (2 Corinthians 9:7b)

Mama: "Right! God loves it when we honor others above ourselves! (Romans 12:10) What do you need to do now to make it right?"

Exhibit C: "Apologize to my brother and God and ask for a turn instead."

We pray together, find Exhibit A, apologize and make it right...

Mama: "Exhibit A, when you realized that Exhibit C took your dagger, how should you have responded?"

Exhibit A: "No screaming. Ask nicely."

Mama: "That's right. If something happens that makes you upset, it is not okay to get angry and yell. I know that Mama yells sometimes when she is upset and it is not okay. It makes God sad. Let's pray and ask God to help us have self-control and use our nice words, okay?...Dear God, We know that you want us to use self-control even with our voices (Titus 2:12). Help Mama and Exhibit A to talk nicely and use gentle voices. Please forgive us when we choose to sin and yell at other people. Thank you for helping us. We love you!"

Exhibit A apologizes to Exhibit C for screeching at him.

I sigh with relief...one crisis handled in a God honoring way. Again, praise God because it is HIS work in me that allowed me to reach my children's hearts for HIS glory! Heart training takes time, but I see the benefits little by little, in MY heart and in my children's hearts. I lift up a quick prayer that the rest of our day is handled similarly. It is only 8:30am...

Words

"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28

I've been thinking about words a lot recently. My words mostly. I wish I could say that all my words were wise and encouraging, but the reality is that a lot of my words are ugly and sinful. Some days I really struggle to just be nice. It's true. Oh, it's easy to put on a pretend smiley face, write an upbeat Facebook status and answer the phone like June Cleaver. But in truth, I get easily irritated, frustrated, and angered. Then I vocalize those feelings. It's mostly because I'm too busy being self-centered to actually deal with the situation at hand. Rather than stopping what I'm doing and going to the children to help them work it out, I yell in my fiercest voice from the other room, "Why can't you just do what you know is right? STOP FIGHTING!" Hmm...not so Christ-like or helpful. The solution is simple though. I need to stop. Stop trading the eternal for the temporal. Stop being lazy. Stop being selfish. Take those few minutes to interact face to face with my children during the times when they need guidance. Choose to set a good example. If I've ever wondered why my children yell at each other or speak with an unkind tone, I only have to look at myself. They are imitating what they hear. It's true. It's heart-wrenching. But it's NOT hopeless. Christ is working in my heart and in their hearts. These times of struggle are refining us for his glory.

Here's how I'm learning to deal with my words. The key is to catch myself before I respond in sin. The following questions help me to weigh the words I say:


1. Is what I'm going to say worthwhile? true? necessary? kind? wise? loving?


2. Will it build the other person up or tear them down?


3. Will it honor God?



Here are a few other verses...

"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Proverbs 21:23

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19

"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded and a gentle tongue can break a bone." Proverbs 25:15